This theme shows why young people, who are in a relationship, may not be able to see the “red flags” or understand their friends concerns at certain behaviours. Some young people talked about ‘butterflies’ relating to feelings of love or nervousness/adrenaline. Others, especially in the 13-16 year old group, noted if someone is in their first relationship, they might confuse warning signs with the intensity of being in love. Similarly, some young people highlighted that compliments and attention received at the start of a relationship can create a feeling of excitement and intoxication whereby unhealthy behaviours are excused or ignored. How do we help them see past the butterflies?

Theme 4 - Blinded by the butterflies

9 in 10

young people had talked to a friend to try and help them with a toxic or unhealthy relationship

Confusing behaviour with love

Young people can confuse controlling behaviours with socially accepted ideas of love caring and protection. Many young people emphasised how initially controlling behaviours, such as intense jealously or monitoring, can be as seen as complimentary.

“At the beginning you’re like, “oh this is like really nice. They’re looking out for me.” Things like that, but after being in the relationship for a while, you start to see their true colours” - Young person, 13-16

“You can get caught up and think, oh, actually, this is really nice in really enjoying it, oh he's very protective, because somebody stared at me or wolf whistled at me, and he shouted at them or hit them, like you think, oh, I'm very protected, when really there's more... something more like happening” - Young person, 20-24 years

Is this is how love feels?

If young people don't know what love feels like, it's easy to give meaning to an emotion themselves, and if they do that, they may not realise anything is wrong.

“Like your instincts are telling you that there’s something wrong but…maybe you’ve never experienced love before and this is what people have been talking about, this is what love is meant to feel like.” - Young person, 20-24

72%

Have been asked for nudes when chatting and linking with other young people online (32% 'very often' or 'often' and only 28% had never been asked for nudes).

Things to think about

These are just some of the many questions that might prompt answers:

• How might we help young people know what love is and what it definitely isn't?
• How might we help young people know what feelings require help?
• How might we help young people question new behaviours?
• How might we help young people reflect on relationships when they might not have any space between them and their partner?

How might we...?

45%

Said self-doubt would ‘definitely’ stop them talking to a friend

Explore other themes