Illustration of two young friends
Young people are dealing with demands and stresses online when they engage with online spaces. Whilst managing these multiple connections and beginning relationships online, they are exposed to immediate online pressures, including unwanted personal/sexual comments, being asked for nudes, receiving unwanted sexual images/nudes, and unwanted people messaging them. There is a need for young people to be able to access resources to keep themselves and their friends safe, and deal with these pressures.
Theme 1 - Immediate online pressures


Survey of 641 young people aged 13-24 across England and Wales - August 2021
70%
Have received unwanted sexual images/nudes when chatting and linking with other young people online (27% had ‘very often’ or ‘often’). This was even more frequent in 20-24s but a concerning amount of 13-15s had experienced these pressures
Ghosting away from trouble
Several also noted, in former years, they worried about not being nice to someone but now realise that their safety and security is more important. Many described ‘ghosting’ or ‘blocking’ any communication or contacts they find troubling.

“But I've also had a guy I did tell I wanted to end things continue to harass me on several social media platforms, so I had to ghost and eventually block!” - Young person, 20-24 years
The danger at any age
Young people aged 20-24 confirmed the dangers to those who are younger.

“I was just going to say I've experienced quite a lot of people being quite forward when they like slide into your DMs like, and it's happened quite a lot as well like with my partner's ten-year-old sister and it's quite scary when things like that happen.” - Young person, 20-24 years

Some young people also spoke of networks in school where nude photos are coerced from young people and shared.

The easiness of
manipulation online
Young people are also open to being emotionally manipulated by people they have only met online – especially younger age groups. This can also generate a possible false intimacy more rapidly.

Those in the 13-16 year old group mentioned this issue more frequently than in the other age groups.

It's very much easier for people to hide their real identities online or not tell the full truth. I think people…like they know each other less than in the past and they start talking to each other and being, getting closer to each other because of the internet.” - Young person, 13-16 years

Only 17% of young people had never had unwanted personal/sexual comments when chatting/linking online
Survey of 641 young people aged 13-24 across England and Wales - August 2021
Only 16% had never had unwanted people messaging them.
Have 'very often' or 'often' experienced unwanted people messaging them when chatting and linking with other young people online.
16%
17%
42%
How would you help a friend
going through this?
These are all real stories as told to us by young people
- - Trigger warning - please be aware these stories are hard to read. - -
"She thought that he wouldn’t talk to her, or whatever, if she didn’t send him anything"
I had a friend who never really had a proper relationship and felt that they had to send nudes to people who they were dating online...it was quite scary having to be on the end, having to persuade them not to do it, because it can be a really, really damaging thing. And she never did it, thank God, but I think it just sort of shows what people think they have to do for a relationship online, or just a relationship in general, and how it can be really, really damaging with everything. She thought that he wouldn’t talk to her, or whatever, if she didn’t send him anything. And I think it was also that everyone else around her was doing the same thing, so it was, sort of, normalised, in a way
"This boy had sent her a picture showing a body part of his which she didn’t want to see"
My friend was dating this boy but they broke up. She was then talking to me and our other friend and she mentioned that this boy had sent her a picture showing a body part of his which she didn’t want to see. This was while they were dating. She said she didn’t ask for the picture. She didn’t say anything about sending something back to him.
"He would always try to guilt trip me, manipulate my friends into hating me and trying to get into my accounts"
I had a long distance relationship. I was 15, he was 17. It was fine until he started trying to convince me to send pictures of myself, telling me he'd keep asking until I did and saying that if he were with me in real life I wouldn't be able to stop him from getting what he wanted. I left him and he would always try to guilt trip me, manipulate my friends into hating me and trying to get into my accounts. Thankfully I've been rid of him for 2 years now with no more random appearances.
"Once I fell asleep and I woke up and he was watching me and taking photos"
I was dating this person and we started Facetiming. Once I fell asleep and I woke up and he was watching me and taking photos. I felt so uncomfortable and I ended the relationship but we were both at the same school. He started chasing me trying to kiss me when I said no.
"He got suspicious as to where I was and began shouting"
Last year on my way home from school I stopped by the shops to get my boyfriend presents for his birthday. I turned my location off on Snapchat beforehand to make it a surprise. He got suspicious as to where I was and began shouting thinking that I was doing something bad behind his back. He never believed that I was just getting him his birthday presents... It was my fault for making him suspicious in the first place I guess but he would also limit my contact with people because he didn't like me being around them.
"I'm 16 and my boyfriend...makes me call him god"
I'm 16 and my boyfriend only lets me talk to the 2 friends he approves of, makes me tell him exactly where I am at all times and makes me call him god. I'm not allowed to text anyone but him and I can only wear clothes he chooses for me. If I don't, he puts me down and imposes various punishments and doesn't let me leave my house to see anyone, including him. I can't even post anything online without his approval, he controls my weight, my makeup and what music I can listen to.
"I find it hard to trust people because of him"
He always wanted to do things and wanted sex and nudes and I'd always say no and he'd beg and beg until I said yes. Even after I broke up with him he threatened me and blackmailed me and made me so insecure and uncomfortable around people. He lied to me so many times about everything and would straight up flirt with other girls right in front of me. I find it hard to trust people because of him.
"We became friends online and it would lead to sexual dares or sexual roleplaying"
I was 18. I had just turned 18. He was also 18. We knew each other from class and we would only talk online. We became friends online and it would lead to sexual dares or sexual roleplaying. I told him 'no, stop' but then he wouldn't talk to me. So I did things for him occasionally and when I confronted him he said 'I didn't pressure you'.
"From his last message, he still thinks he did nothing wrong."
He asked me to send a picture of myself, saying I was pretty and I was boring and frigid if I didn't. He would say how ugly he was. He sent shirtless pictures of himself. I was 12, he was 15. I tried to make him feel better about himself, but it made him angry so I stopped. He'd give me compliments. After a month I decided to block him. He made himself out to be someone I could turn to. He used me to make himself feel better. I haven't heard from him since. From his last message, he still thinks he did nothing wrong.
"He started asking me for all of my passwords for my social media"
I met a boy who seemed perfect. We got into a relationship after about a week and things were good. Skip about 2 weeks and he started asking me for all of my passwords for my social media. If I refused, he would get angry at me. Sometimes he would get physical with me like punch or kick me if I refused to do something. He started to tell me that I couldn't see my family or friends. It was horrible. Thankfully I managed to get out of this relationship before things got worse.
"He went thru my phone and called/texted me nonstop"
He was my first, he constantly pursued me, telling me he loved me and he couldn’t handle my rejection so I gave in and dated him, I fell for him straight away. He had another gf the whole time, broke up with me for her after a few months using me for my body. When I found out he begged for me back, telling me he’s gonna kill himself. He went thru my phone and called/texted me nonstop till I answered or he’d turn up to my house. When I told his family he tried to turn it on me, telling them I was the one cheating on him.
"He doesn't want me speaking to any boys at school..."
“My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. He says that I should always make sure that I cover my shoulders, don't show my legs and wear modest clothing. He doesn't want me speaking to any boys at school either and would like me to send pictures of what I wear so he can approve it before I leave the house. I love him though, and he says it's because he doesn't want boys staring and that he doesn't want to lose a good thing (me).
" I had to ghost and eventually block!"
I've had a guy I did tell I wanted to end things continue to harass me on several social media platforms, so I had to ghost and eventually block!
"He’s publicly named me and has many photos that identify who I am"
I sent nude images, with consent, to a guy online. Recently he shared the images on his story on social media. A few of my friends recognised me... He did not have my consent and I spoke to Childline, who was very helpful, but I didn’t file a report... I received a lot of verbal abuse from the guy online and was being blackmailed to send more photos. I blocked him, which made him extremely angry and he came back with a new account threatening me more. Sending more photos to me and posting more on his story. He’s publicly named me and has many photos that identify who I am.
"This is a common excuse..."
Someone sent me nude pictures and claimed it was an accident/sent to the wrong person. This is a common excuse used when the response to illicit pictures is negative.
"He just wouldn't stop asking for nudes and whether I was 'DTF'"
He just wouldn't stop asking for nudes and whether I was "DTF". I didn't even know what DTF meant. When I googled it, I got sick. I didn't want to have sex with him. I just liked the attention... He started giving me the silent treatment, he then would talk about other girls he wanted to fuck. He never liked my pictures on social media, but he liked my friends.... He would start calling me a bitch and telling me that I was being irrational. I would try to fight back and say this is not right, so he'd flip. His messages, now I can see, were just gaslighting me. He never wanted me... he wanted a fuck.... He got what he wanted.

I never consented.
"When I was 11, I was on Snapchat and someone I didn't know added me"
When I was 11, I was on Snapchat and someone I didn't know added me, I added them back thinking it was nothing but they kept messaging me. I opened a snap video to see a nude of a man who looked older than me... he proceeded to ask me to send back, insisting that if I didn't it was a bad thing because he had sent me photos of him. I said no but then he would call me a little girl (I hadn't shown my face) and then told me my address. I didn't think I had snap maps on but I must have and it really scared me. I only told my parents after a few days and the only reason I did was because I was scared he was going to do something to my family, I was scared to go in my bedroom for months... I thought it was all my fault and that I would get screamed at if I told anyone.
Survey of 641 young people aged 13-24 across England and Wales - August 2021
Have experienced unwanted personal/sexual comments when chatting and linking with other young people online
83%
Things to think about
These are just some of the many questions that might prompt answers:

  • How might we provide young people with ways to manage these pressures online?
  • How might we help young people when their offline world collides with their online world so much that they can't escape the pressures?
  • How might we help someone show their friend what's happening to them online?
  • How might we help someone deal with a situation where their friend has private images shared with others?
How might we...?
Survey of 641 young people aged 13-24 across England and Wales - August 2021
72%
'Very often' been asked for nudes when chatting and linking with other young people online
What are we doing about this?
We're currently working with young people in England and Wales to explore these insights so that we can co-produce resources to tackle the problem. We'll then need your help to get them out into places where young people spend time, both offline and online.

As we learn and create, we'll keep updating this page, so please do come back to see more.

If you want to get in touch to help with this theme please contact yourbestfriend@safelives.org.uk

#WhatWillWork #YourBestFriend